Malik for a day
by never to return
Summary: The battle city finals are about to start, if Odion is going to pose as Malik, then he needs some MALIK LESSONS! And we know just the Malik to give those lessons, pay attention and you can be just like Malik too.
1. Lessons one through four

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh, but I know some people who do. *waves at Malik, Pegasus, and Bakura, who all smile and wave back.  
  
It was a dark and stormy night in Battle city, outside of the arena two figures stood cloaked within the shadows. A short flash of lightning revealed the two to be Malik Ishtar and Odion. I wonder why they're just standing there, lets watch.  
  
Malik: Are you clear on your orders Odion?  
  
Odion: I am sir, but I still don't understand why you are going as Namu and sending me in as Malik.  
  
Malik: It is because the pharaoh's friends know me as Namu from my contact with them. Also that fool Katsuya Jonouchi mistakenly believes that you are Malik from your brief meeting.  
  
Odion: I understand that master Malik, but what exactly is it that you want me to do?  
  
Malik: All that you need to do is convince everybody that you really are Malik Ishtar, and I'm going to help you do it.  
  
Odion: But how will you do this?  
  
Malik: It's easy, you just need some Malik lessons!  
  
Odion: Malik lessons?  
  
Malik: Did I stutter? I believe that I gave you an answer. You had better not disrespect me Odion.  
  
Odion: A thousand pardons master, please begin.  
  
Malik: Fine then, we'll begin with lesson one.  
  
`  
  
Lesson One. And Malik is?  
  
Malik: Alright Odion, point to yourself.  
  
So Odion stuck out a finger, turned his hand around, and pointed to his chest.  
  
Malik: No you buffoon! You're supposed to point to your face, not your body! You are Japanese and were raised in a Japanese culture so...  
  
Odion: Actually I'm Egyptian sir.  
  
Malik: Shut up Odion! For the purpose of this lesson you are Japanese. Got it?  
  
Odion: Yes master. *starts waving a little Japanese flag.  
  
Malik: Now point at your face and say "I am Malik, and this is my face".  
  
Odion: I am Malik and this is my face.  
  
Malik: Now say it like you mean it!  
  
Odion: I am Malik and this is my face!  
  
Malik: Good, now that this is established we can move on.  
  
`  
  
Lesson Two. I know what I'm doing, why don't you?  
  
Malik: Before we begin, would you stop waving that damn flag?  
  
Odion: Sorry. *drops flag, then stomps on it a few times before lighting it on fire.  
  
Malik: I asked you to stop waving it, not to destroy it! Anyways now we begin lesson two.  
  
Malik: You need to learn how to order people around if you ever want to pass as Malik, let's start by having you command some of my Rare Hunters.  
  
Odion: But sir, there are no Rare Hunters here.  
  
Malik: That doesn't matter, we can find some stand in Rare Hunters. There's some right over there!  
  
Odion: But those are ants sir.  
  
Malik: It doesn't matter! They're Rare Hunters to you and that all that counts!  
  
Odion: Ok? Hey you, Rare Hunter ants! Go out and do my bidding!  
  
Malik: This is the point where you make a fist to show them that you mean business and won't tolerate failure.  
  
Odion: That's right, I will not tolerate failure! So you two had better not screw up whatever job I gave you! *shakes fist.  
  
Malik: Good job Odion. You were only supposed to make a fist and hold it there, but you went the extra mile by shaking that fist. With that we are ready to move onto lesson three.  
  
`  
  
Lesson Three. Da Fist Shaker.  
  
Malik: Now about fist shaking, only shake your fist at your minions when you find it necessary.  
  
Odion: Why sir?  
  
Malik: It can easily become a very tiring activity, so you don't want to have to do it every five minutes. Now Odion make a fist.  
  
So Odion made a fist.  
  
Malik: That is stage one, a normal fist. Now clench your fist and shake it quickly.  
  
So Odion did that too.  
  
Malik: Now you are at stage two, you have an angry fist. You may or may not choose to begin growling at this point, that is entirely up to you. Now for stage three I want you to repeat lesson one on your angry fist.  
  
Odion: *points at angry fist. I am Malik and this is my fist!  
  
Malik: Good job Odion, now look at your fist.  
  
Odion looked down to see that his fist had a really creepy Malik face on it now.  
  
Malik: Congratulations! You have now made it to the final stage, you now have a Maliky fist. Use it well, for there is no better tool for threatening either incompetent minions or random passerby's.  
  
Odion: Sir can we move on to the next lesson? This one is creepy.  
  
Malik: Fine.  
  
`  
  
Lesson Four. Look the part.  
  
Malik: Now we have to make you look a little more like me.  
  
Odion: But why sir, wasn't the whole point of this to take their focus off of you and make them think that I'm Malik?  
  
Malik: That was the point exactly, but I would find it offensive if everyone thought that I, Malik Ishtar, looked like you.  
  
Odion: Ok?  
  
Malik: Ok you have the clothes already, so that's one less thing. We do need to find you a blondish wig, I wonder where I can find one of those?  
  
Odion: Well I always carry a blonde wig with me, we can use this one.  
  
Malik: Odion why do you have a blonde wig? Are you really a transvestite?!  
  
Odion: No master! I just like to feel pretty from time to time.  
  
Malik: When these lessons are done we need to have a serious talk Odion.  
  
Odion: What about the lesson?  
  
Malik: Right, we have the cloak and the blondish wig, now you just need a sennen rod.  
  
Odion: But where are we going to find another one of those?  
  
Malik: We'll just have to improvise.  
  
So Malik pulled a paper towel roll, a baseball, some tape, a can of spray paint, a magic marker, and a bag of corn chips out of nowhere. That's right, Malik can reach into nowhere and magically pull out anything he needs. Don't you wish you had powers like him?  
  
Odion: What are you going to do with those master?  
  
Malik: Why, this of course.  
  
Malik took the roll of paper towels and unrolled it so he was holding just the cardboard tube. He took the cardboard and taped the baseball to the top of it, and then taped two corn chips to the sides of the ball. He then spray painted the entire thing gold and drew an eye on the front of the ball.  
  
Malik: Tada!  
  
Odion: Wow, I wish that I had that kind of talent.  
  
Malik: There you go Odion, now you have a sennen rod too. Maybe next time I'll teach you how to use it.  
  
Odion: I thank you master Malik.  
  
With that Malik disappeared into the shadows, while Odion continued to force the Rare Hunter ants to go do his bidding.  
  
To Be Continued  
  
Malik: There you go kiddies. Now that you finished reading the story, you can go and make your own sennen rod! Just follow my instructions and you will do fine. Are you done yet? Yes? Good. Now that you've done that, why not follow every one of the lessons. Soon there shall be an entire army of Maliks armed with homemade sennen rods, we shall make the pharaoh suffer!  
  
Random reader: Yes master Malik. *drools  
  
Malik: Ha it has begun already! While you wait for the end why not write a review, or read one of Tsuni's other stories. They're recommended by nine Odions out of ten. 


	2. Lessons five through eight

Yay! Five reviews for chapter one already!  
  
Disclaimer: I still not own Yugioh, what you think something change!?  
  
`  
  
It was a dark and Stormier! night in Battle city, outside of Kaiba's stadium a familiar pair once again met.  
  
Odion: I am glad to see you master Malik.  
  
Malik: I'm sure you are Odion, but this is no time for small talk.  
  
Odion: Oh ok, I AM GLAD TO SEE YOU MASTER MALIK!  
  
Malik: The Battle city finals begin tomorrow, if our plan is going to succeed we really need to work at making you me.  
  
Odion: I agree sir, I've been practicing my lessons since yesterday and I am getting good at them.  
  
Malik: That's good because tonight's lessons will be even more difficult.  
  
Odion: I am not afraid.  
  
Malik; as Yoda: Oh you will be!  
  
Odion: Wha?  
  
`  
  
Lesson Five. I am Malik! Hear me roar!  
  
Malik: Any simpleton knows that Malik does not like most people, especially stupid people, as Malik you also must learn this.  
  
Odion: But I hate people too.  
  
Malik: Odion you fool. This is not about hating people, just showing them that you are better than they are and that you want them dead. If they believe this then they shall stay out of your way and you wont have to kill them, yet.  
  
Odion: I think that I get it, could you possibly explain it further?  
  
Malik: Fine but this will require your assistance, we shall act it out. I will be Malik and you can be some random annoying person.  
  
Odion: Ok uhhhhh..., look at me I'm Yugi, I like to do Yugi-ish things. If you stare long enough I might become the Pharaoh and do a trick!  
  
Malik: Wow Odion, you sure do a good Yugi impression.  
  
Odion: I try sir.  
  
Malik: Back to the lesson! I will try to walk by you, use all of your annoying Yugi powers to try and stop me.  
  
Odion: Alright, excuse me mister, would you like to buy a flower?  
  
Malik: Be gone with you disgusting creature.  
  
Odion: Please.  
  
Malik: Get away whelp!  
  
Odion: But it's for my friends...  
  
Malik: Friends? RAR!!!!!  
  
Malik then opened his mouth as wide as he could, and a little Malik head popped out of it! The little Malik head then shrieked and snapped at Odion, before disappearing back into Malik's mouth.  
  
Odion: Wow, where ever did you learn to do that master?  
  
Malik: Oh I saw it in a movie once.  
  
Odion: But what if I can't do that?  
  
Malik: Well if for some reason that doesn't work, you can just laugh insanely like my yami. It helps to make a reference to ice cubes and cheesecake too.  
  
`  
  
Lesson Six. I think I musta forgotten something from before!  
  
Malik: Odion, I just remembered something!  
  
Odion: What is it master Malik?  
  
Malik: Last time when we were doing lesson four, I forgot the most important thing every Malik needs.  
  
Odion: But sir. The clothes, the wig, the rod, what else is there?  
  
Malik: We forgot to carve the ancient scriptures into your back!  
  
Odion: But master, is that really necessary?  
  
Malik: Of course it is! I wouldn't be the Malik you see before you if someone I loved hadn't taken a knife to my back! So take off your robe, and you had better be wearing pants underneath!  
  
So Odion removed his robe and bent over while Malik went out to search for a suitable cutting tool.  
  
Malik: There must be something I can use around here somewhere.  
  
Just then Bakura walked by, he was holding a bloody knife and slowly licking the blood off. Awwww how adorable, he's just like a little kid with an ice cream cone.  
  
Malik: Hello there Bakura, enjoying yourself?  
  
Bakura: What business is it of yours?  
  
Malik: Is that any way to talk to a friend?  
  
Bakura: What do you mean friend? Why are you talking so nicely to me? You want something don't you?  
  
Malik: I require the use of that knife your holding, could I please have it?  
  
Bakura: Of course not! This is the only thing that I've eaten in the last four weeks!  
  
Malik: Oh come on, what if I gave you this instead? *holds up sennen rod.  
  
Bakura: Deal! Take the knife, it meant nothing to me!  
  
Bakura then ran off giggling like some odd giggling person would while ranting about his power.  
  
Malik: Hah, that was really just one of the crappy homemade rods from last chapter.  
  
Malik; to real sennen rod: I'd never let anything happen to you.  
  
Bakura can still be seen cheering and skipping through the background.  
  
Malik: Now why was it that I needed this knife again?  
  
`  
  
Meanwhile Odion is still bending forward, waiting for Malik to return. Suddenly Jonouchi walked by.  
  
Jonouchi: What the hell? How come nobody told me that we were playing leapfrog tonight?  
  
Then Jonouchi mysteriously disappeared, and Malik mysteriously reappeared. Wow that sure was convenient.  
  
Malik: I'm back Odion, now let us finish this.  
  
So Malik proceeded to carve every character and picture into Odion's back.  
  
Odion: Ow that hurts!  
  
Malik: Oh shut up, I didn't cry nearly half this much!  
  
Odion: Could we please not do anything else quite that painful?  
  
`  
  
Lesson Seven. The laugh.  
  
Malik: Odion would you stop crying already!  
  
Odion: I'm sorry but that really hurt.  
  
Malik: Be a man about it.  
  
Odion: I trying, but you really didn't have to dump hot sand on my back afterwards.  
  
Malik: Sure I did, you're getting the full Malik experience this way.  
  
Odion: Ha ha ha.(spoken in a very sarcastic tone)  
  
Malik: See that's the whole purpose of this lesson, if you're going to be Malik, then you need a much better laugh.  
  
Odion: Like what master?  
  
Malik: Well there are plenty of different laughs that you could use. Like the happy laugh, I use this laugh whenever I am victorious and things go my way, for some reason I never get to use that laugh.  
  
Odion: Don't worry, after all this we can do lots of laughing.  
  
Malik: The second kind of laugh is the evil laugh. You can use this one whenever you are face to face with an enemy. They might ask you something like "Do you really think you can win?", at which point you could answer with "I already have!" and then use this laugh. I can often be seen ending episodes like this.  
  
Odion: Must remember evil laugh, must remember evil laugh, ok I got it.  
  
Malik: The third type of laugh is the insane laugh. This is the one where you are just staring straight forward with your eyes rolled slightly back, suddenly after just standing there like that you begin your laugh. You need really strong jaw muscles for all the movement involved in this one. My "friend" Bakura can often be seen doing this one.  
  
Odion: And I always thought that I was your "friend". Whimper whimper.  
  
Malik: And the last type of laugh is my absolute favorite kind. This is the laugh where you see something so funny that you can do nothing but fall over and roll on the ground, all the while laughing so hard that you cry. This is the kind of laugh that you would use if you were just standing at a bus stop, waiting for a bus. When you see two children standing in front of you. One child pushes the other one down and then steals his lunch money, calling the other child mean and hurtful names throughout the whole thing. When suddenly that mean child gets run right over by a school bus! Oh I laugh so much whenever that happens!  
  
`  
  
Lesson Eight. Proper usage of the sennen rod.  
  
Malik: Now Odion, for this lesson I am going to tell you a secret.  
  
Odion: A secret? What kind of secret master?  
  
Malik: It's about the sennen rod, and it's a bit embarrassing.  
  
Odion: I don't like where this is going.  
  
Malik: The truth is that the sennen rod really doesn't have any magical powers! It's no more magically enchanted than your everyday pole.  
  
Odion: Well I have seen some pretty magical poles before...  
  
Malik: Oh all that I am is really such a lie!  
  
Odion: But if there isn't any magic in your sennen rod, then how do you make people into your mind slaves?  
  
Malik: Well it really isn't as glamorous as the show would have you believe, they always edit out what I really have to do.  
  
Odion: Which is?  
  
Malik: Well to make someone your mind slave, all you have to do is this: Just walk up to some random person in a secluded area and announce yourself, say "I am Malik and I claim you as my mind slave". This person will be quite confused from your earlier statement so take the opportunity to sneak around behind them, and when they finally snap out of their daze, hit them over the head with your sennen rod!  
  
Odion: That's how you do it?!  
  
Malik: Yes, after being hit with a heavy golden rod the person will most likely be quite disoriented and confused, so much so that they will have no will of their own and will just listen to whatever you say. Sometimes the person will not become your mind slave, and will just get really mad at you for hitting them with your rod. Whenever this happens merely hit them again and they should be your mind slave by then. If for some reason that still does not work just keep hitting, after twenty minutes of whackings from your rod, the poor fool should be as submissive as Strings.  
  
Odion: Note to self, buy heavy club.  
  
Malik: And that Odion is the last lesson of the night, meet me here tomorrow morning so that we may register for the finals.  
  
Odion: As you wish master.  
  
So Malik left for his hotel room while Odion had a staring contest with a rock.  
  
`  
  
To Be Continued  
  
`  
  
Malik: And that's another chapter finished. What do you think? Was it funny enough? Do I have to make Odion dress like a clown and ride a unicycle while I throw pies at him to make you laugh? WELL? Hey I know, Odion can tell a joke!  
  
Odion's joke: How many Seto Kaibas does it take to change a light bulb?  
  
Seventeen! Sixteen to make you feel inferior, and one to do the actual changing of the bulb.  
  
Malik: And now that that's done I leave you with this: Write a review or else I'll be mad! And you don't want your ruler mad! Grrrrr! 


	3. Lessons nine through ten and a Pinky and...

Yay! This story's all the way up to 25 reviews!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh. I do however own a new Fiend Megacyber card, I named him Fuffykins.  
  
Fuffykins: Grrrrr!  
  
Also because of complaints from a few reviewers, for this chapter Odion will be called his real name of Rashid. The reason that Odion received his English name while all the other characters got their original Japanese names is because he is the only character in the entire series to receive a decent dub name (And also because Rashid and Odion are like two different characters). If you read closely, you'll see that Rashid actually acts more like himself and less like Odion in this chapter.  
  
`  
  
It was a dark and stormy night! No wait, actually it was a clear and sunny morning, how could I ever confuse the two? Oh well, anyways two cloaked figures stood in the utter darkness of midday, and they look to be doing something 'evil', lets go find out what.  
  
Rashid: Good morning to you master Malik.  
  
Malik: Likewise Rashid, are you ready for what is to come?  
  
Rashid: You mean the Battle city finals?  
  
Malik: Yes, but before they begin I have just a few more things that I must teach you.  
  
`  
  
Lesson Nine. No, 4kids will NOT let you do that!  
  
Malik: Rashid, you must take heed of my words for I may never tell you something of as great importance as this.  
  
Rashid: What is it master?  
  
Malik: You must always say or do extremely evil things, and say them at moments where they are integral to the plot.  
  
Rashid: But sir, that's the first thing that I ever learned from you, even before the whole how to make minute rice incident.  
  
Malik: Yes Rashid, I know that you are already aware of this, but please allow me to finish.  
  
Rashid: Yes sir.  
  
Malik: When you say or do these things, an American editor will always jump out of nowhere and edit you in a horrible fashion.  
  
Rashid: How so?  
  
Malik: Well allow me to demonstrate.  
  
*Pulls out a gun. It is edited into Malik pointing his finger.  
  
*Pulls out a knife. It is edited into Malik giving the thumbs up.  
  
*Holds up a bloody piece of meat. It is transformed into a Twinkie?  
  
Rashid: Wow that was different.  
  
Malik: This sort of thing will always happen so you must be prepared for anything, lest you look like an even bigger fool than they have already made you out to be.  
  
Rashid: So you are saying that I must say and do evil things, but then have them edited into me doing things that really aren't all that evil, thereby butchering the entire episode?  
  
Malik: I do believe that you are getting it Rashid, but lets test you to make sure. Alright Rashid I now want you to say "I will kill you Malik!"  
  
Rashid: But why in Ra's name would I ever want to say anything like that?  
  
Malik: You wouldn't, but this is just for the sake of discussion. So make sure you yell it for the editors.  
  
Rashid: Alright, "I will kill you master Malik!"  
  
Suddenly an American editor from 4kids appeared!  
  
American Editor: Tsk, tsk, we can't have any of that.  
  
So that American editor changed what Rashid said.  
  
Rashid: I will Banish you to the shadow realm master Malik!  
  
Malik: See? That's exactly what I mean. And I wont even put you through the whole "Dark Energy discs" torture!  
  
Rashid: I thank you for that sir. Is there any other wisdom that you would like to share with me?  
  
Malik: Now that you mention it, there is one other thing that might be of use to an up and coming Malik like yourself.  
  
`  
  
Lesson Ten. Blood, Sweat, Tears, and more Blood. Wait! That isn't the title!  
  
Malik: Rashid, I really want you to get the full Malik experience from these lessons...  
  
Rashid: That's exactly what you said before you pulled a knife on me.  
  
Malik: Hey it was all in good fun right?  
  
Rashid: Well I did get all those pretty colored band-aids out of the deal...  
  
Malik: Well I think that you could be a much better Malik if you were to experience my childhood.  
  
Rashid: What are you talking about master? I was with you through most of that childhood!  
  
Malik: Yes, but you never got to see life through my eyes.  
  
Rashid: But it's alright, I have videotapes of everything.  
  
Malik: It's just not the same. Oh if only there was some way that you could experience my Malikyness first hand.  
  
Rashid: We could have a flashback!  
  
Malik: No, that wouldn't do. I have motion sickness and you know how at the beginning of every flashback there's that harp music and the wavy lines.  
  
Rashid: I'm sorry, I forgot about that.  
  
Malik: I've got it! If it's the past that you need to see, we can just use my sister's sennen item to do it!  
  
Rashid: Brilliant plan master Malik! But are you sure that she will let us use it? Last I checked she was not very pleased with all the things that we were doing.  
  
Malik: Don't you worry, I have a plan to get her to cooperate.  
  
Rashid: Then let us go to her!  
  
` With that Malik and Rashid walked over to the Domino city natural history museum in search of Ishizu, since the museum is the only place where anybody had ever seen her. Inside the museum, Ishizu can be seen dusting off the ancient tablets and cleaning their display cases.  
  
Malik: Hello there dear sister.  
  
Ishizu: Malik, is that you?  
  
Malik: Yes it is. Oh sister I know that we have had our disagreements in the past, but I just wanted to tell you that I am sorry for what I've done and I love you.  
  
Ishizu: Oh Malik, I've been waiting years for you to say that! I missed you so much. But now that your back we can be a big happy family once again, and then we can.  
  
WHACK!  
  
Malik then interrupted Ishizu's speech by hitting her over the head with the sennen rod!  
  
Malik: I've been waiting to do that for the longest time! Lets do it again!  
  
Rashid: Umm the necklace?  
  
Malik: Oh of course, now we can use the necklace to relive the past. Now put the necklace on and say "I wish I could see the past through Malik's eyes".  
  
Rashid: Alright, I wish I could see the past through Malik's eyes!  
  
Suddenly the world started spinning in Rashid's eyes! When everything had stopped he recognized it as a familiar scene from the past.  
  
Malik: Big sister! Look what I have made for you!  
  
Ishizu: A flower necklace, how beautiful. Thank you Malik.  
  
Malik: Are you going to wear it?  
  
Ishizu: Of course, anything for you little brother.  
  
Malik: It looks really good on you, just look in the mirror.  
  
Ishizu: Thank you for the compliment, I'll go look right now.  
  
As Ishizu was admiring her little brother's handiwork, Malik had grabbed a book of matches. And when Ishizu had her back turned, he lit the necklace on fire!  
  
Ishizu: Ow! Hot! Get it off, get it off!  
  
At this point Ishizu had begun running around in circles, while little Malik was rolling on the ground with laughter.  
  
End flashback.  
  
`  
  
Rashid: You always were the most adorable little kid master Malik.  
  
Malik: Ah I thank you for the flattery Rashid, but it is really not necessary.  
  
Rashid: Alright, but what are we going to do with her? *points at Ishizu who is still lying on the floor drooling.  
  
Malik: Just give her back her necklace and break a few things here, that way she may just think that she tripped and fell.  
  
Rashid: That is a great plan master Malik.  
  
Malik: Yes it is, wait a minute! Are you thinking what I'm thinking Rashid?  
  
Rashid: I think so master Malik, but aren't we already wearing dresses?  
  
Malik: That's not quite what I meant. Wait, We forgot to go register for the Battle city finals!  
  
Rashid: Now what will we do?  
  
Malik: Lets go! If we hurry we may still be able to make it!  
  
So with that the pair ran out of the museum. Malik ran up to somebody on a motorcycle and threw them off, before climbing on and riding towards Kaiba's secret stadium. Rashid then kicked some little kid off of a pogo stick and started hopping after Malik.  
  
`  
  
`  
  
To Be Continued  
  
`  
  
Malik: And that concludes chapter three of Malik for a day. Tsuni had wanted to make us signing up for the finals a part of this chapter, but decided to move that part over to the next chapter. Even more hilarity shall ensue then, and for all of you still reading Tsuni will now thank all the reviewers.  
  
Tsuni: Thankies to you all, you must receive presents!  
  
~  
  
Wingleader Sora Jade: Odion thanks you for the support, you get a super cute Odion plushie!  
  
Trustshipper: I'm not quite sure if that would work, but thanks for the suggestion. You get candy!  
  
Tengoku-chan&Yasha-sama: I thank you both for your multiple reviews, since you seem to like Malik so much, here are some of his flower necklaces that he did not destroy.  
  
BakaNeko-Chan: I really don't get it either, you get ........Mentioned! And don't worry, Odion will use his lessons very soon.  
  
BishounenzAngel: Thank you and I shall, yummy candy for you.  
  
Mariksgal4eva: Malik personally thanks you for reading and rewards you by blowing a kiss.  
  
deathsythe: Both Malik and I thank you, you get random Gundam thingies!  
  
Nez: Wow the plot is inspired? I'll just have to give you your very own gang of Rare Hunter ants for such a complement.  
  
Dak: Flattery it seems will get you everywhere, and to prove it you get a trip to the city of Domino.  
  
MarikzAngel: Why of course you can have Malik!  
  
Malik: Hey! I thought that you weren't supposed to give me away to rabid fangirls!  
  
Tsuni: Don't worry, this ones not a 'rabid' fangirl  
  
Malik: Okay.  
  
Kitaiya-Rena: I'm surprised at that too, Odion must have a short attention span or something. Because of your snicker comment earlier, you get Snickers candy bars!  
  
Blackgatomon: Wow you have Rare Hunter ants too? You get little cloaks and duel discs for your Rare Hunters.  
  
Mistress of Marik: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you choke on carrots. Your present will be some carrot juice and a get-well card signed by Malik and Odion.  
  
HonoIKatana: The laugh thing was actually a group effort by Malik. Odion, and me. You get a private Malik lesson!  
  
Maruken: Well Bakura 'does' look just like a small child with an ice cream cone when he's licking the blood off his favorite knife. You get a picture of adorable little Bakura with his knife.  
  
yesim@-flamesofeternaldarkness: I apologize for using the O-word so much, I just thought that he was more of an Odion and less of a Rashid in this fic. I'll just have to give you little chibi Malik and Rashid dolls.  
  
S.A. Bonsai: Thank you very much for your reviews Bonsai-san, you are now my most respected reader and critic. Don't worry, I know that Malik really gets along far better with Rashid in the Japanese anime and manga versions, this fic merely calls for them to have a dub style relationship. That little slip up about Malik's yami should show you that I've only been skimming through the later chapters of the manga and still have much to learn. I shall have to give you a good present, a new fan of you writings, me.  
  
I promise that next time I wont need so much room to show appreciation, and I'll try to get this out of the way at the end of each chapter. 


	4. Some randomness and Kaiba says douchebag

43 reviews! Who cares if they weren't all good, it's still a new record for me.  
  
Disclaimer: I really do own Yugioh, Kazuki Takahashi just borrows it from time to time.  
  
Just so you all know, for this chapter Rishid will revert back to being Odion. The reason for this change is that he is back to being a moron, and we all know that I wouldn't want to be mean to Rishid. Also I must take this opportunity to apologize for not updating anything for such a long time. I actually have an excuse, but I shall not bore you with it. On to the potatoes!  
  
It was a cloudy evening in downtown Battle city, the sun had just lowered under the horizon and all should be quiet, but it's not. A blonde haired man speeds down the street on a motorcycle, behind him another man wearing a cloak hops on a small pogo stick. They seem to be headed someplace, but where? You'd know if you had read the last chapter!  
  
Odion: Are we there yet master Malik?  
  
Malik: Almost Odion, so stop your whining!  
  
Odion: I'm sorry, it's just that I've been hopping for over an hour and my legs are getting tired.  
  
Malik: Well that's what you get for picking a pogo stick for transportation.  
  
Odion: Well then, can I ride with you on the motorcycle?  
  
Malik: No! Now keep hopping!  
  
Odion: This sort of thing never would have happened in the Japanese version. grumble grumble.  
  
Malik: Yeah, well it also wouldn't happen if you tried harder.  
  
Odion: What is wrong with you master Malik? Why are you so angry today?  
  
Malik: I don't know. Its like there's somebody controlling me and making me do these mean things.  
  
Odion: Is it that evil yami of yours?  
  
Malik: No, it's probably just that stupid author!  
  
Odion: Hey look we're almost there!  
  
And sure enough, they were. Just ahead of our two heroes stood the site of the Battle city finals. Sure it looked like just a well-lit construction site, but we all know better than that.  
  
The pair left their "vehicles" parked outside and walked in through the back entrance. They had better be careful, Yugi and co. can't be far behind.  
  
Odion: All right master Malik, now what do we do?  
  
Malik: Now you get to go and do all of the things that I taught you.  
  
Odion: You mean how to look pretty without a shirt?  
  
Malik: Everything except that.  
  
Odion: God damnit!  
  
Malik: Odion did you already forget what I said last chapter about what happens when you do something offensive?  
  
Odion: Uh, yeah.  
  
Malik: Then you shall have to see it again!  
  
Suddenly from the depths of Hades, the American editor appeared!  
  
American editor: Tsk, tsk, tsk, we can't let a minor swear word be heard by the viewing audience edits Odion  
  
Edited Odion: Oh fiddlesticks!  
  
Malik: See?  
  
Odion: Now I feel like such a fool!  
  
Malik: Not so loud Odion! I think I hear some people coming.  
  
And sure enough here comes Yugi and co. being their stupid, annoying, friendship ranting selves. Oh and Kujaku Mai was with them too. Yay! does the traditional celebratory Mai-is-in-this-chapter-dance  
  
Malik: Look the Pharaoh is here!  
  
Odion: The Pharaoh? But that looks like Katsuya Jonouchi.  
  
Malik: Next to him you fool.  
  
Odion: Do you mean the midget trying to look up that Anzu girl's skirt?  
  
Malik: Yes that's the one, so are you now ready to make your big appearance?  
  
Odion: I think that I am, but I'm still so nervous about having to be you.  
  
Malik: Why would anyone be nervous about being me?  
  
Odion: Well there's just so much pressure that goes along with it. What if I were to make a mistake?  
  
Malik: Don't worry, I'll be there to help you out.  
  
Odion: But master, won't they know that it's you if you are there telling me what to do?  
  
Malik: They won't if we use my genius private communications device!  
  
Odion: Private communications device? That's just two tin cans with a string between them!  
  
Malik: It's the best that I could come up with on such short notice! Your lucky I don't just make you into a mind slave and have you do my bidding that way!  
  
Odion: I'm sorry master Malik.  
  
Malik: Good, now go out there and make me proud.  
  
Odion: As you command master.  
  
So Odion exited the shadows and started walking towards the group while Malik remained hidden from view. Que standard western movie whistling music.  
  
Honda: Hey look, somebody's walking this way.  
  
Jonouchi: Hey that looks like that guy I saw before!  
  
Malik: Good, it is already working. They are already believing that Odion is really me, now they are bound to be convinced so long as Odion doesn't do anything stupid.  
  
Odion: Beware foolish mortals! I am Malik Ishta...  
  
It was at that moment that Odion walked right into a pole.  
  
Malik: Odion you baka!  
  
Otogi: You've seen this I guy before Jonouchi?  
  
Jonouchi: Yeah I'm sure that I have but I just can't place where it was that I saw him.  
  
Anzu: I remember, he was that evil Malik guy we saw!  
  
Jonouchi: Naw, I think that was someone else. I think that this guy is the ice cream man.  
  
Odion: holding his nose; I am no ice cream man you fool! I am the great and powerful Malik Ishtal!  
  
Jonouchi: Well then nice to meet you, can I have that snow cone now?  
  
Yugi: Don't make fun of this guy Jonouchi!  
  
Odion: How's this for a snow cone mortal!?  
  
Our little wannabe Malik then proceeded to beat Jonouchi senseless with the fake sennen rod. It was odd that no one noticed the gold paint coming off on Jonouchi, or how the corn chips on the sides were cracking.  
  
Shizuka: Oh no! Are you okay big brother?  
  
Jonouchi: Owwww, I fell on my bum bum.  
  
At that exact moment the Kaiba brothers decided to show up!  
  
Kaiba: Katsuya Jonouchi, once again I find you making a fool of yourself. And in front of my pretty new blimp too.  
  
Odion: You are Seto Kaiba?  
  
Kaiba: Who wants to know?  
  
Malik: Odion is doing great, he just needs to make sure not to screw up like last time.  
  
Odion: I have come for your Egyptian God card, my name is Malik Isht...  
  
Odion then walked into another pole, despite the fact that he was standing perfectly still.  
  
Malik: Oh why did I not pick a better servant to be my stand in Malik?  
  
Jonouchi: Hey Kaiba! Don't you dare let this freak join the tournament!  
  
Kaiba:...  
  
Yugi: Yeah Kaiba, this guy is bad news. You don't know what you are getting yourself into.  
  
Kaiba:...  
  
Mai: I'm freaking awesome, so I don't rightly care what you do!  
  
Kaiba:...  
  
Anzu: Please Kaiba, don't let him get on the blimp.  
  
Kaiba:...  
  
Honda: Come on Kaiba, say something!  
  
Yugi: Let us all listen intently to what Kaiba has to say.  
  
Kaiba:.....................................douchebag.  
  
And with that, Kaiba walked away from the group and entered the blimp.  
  
Yugi: Douchebag? What does Kaiba mean by that?  
  
Mokuba: Don't worry, I know what my big brother meant.  
  
Otogi: You do? All right little wooden horse boy!  
  
Mokuba: My brother said that if we didn't let this Malik person on the blimp, then he would not be able to win all the god cards. Therefore Malik will be allowed to come on the blimp, and will get the nicest room for himself. Also my big brother thinks that you all are douchebags.  
  
Jonouchi: Wow, all of that from one word.  
  
At that time Malik decided the time was right to make his way into the chaos, and stepped out of the shadows towards them.  
  
Honda: Yo who is that over there?  
  
Anzu: Hey, that looks like that Namu guy that we met before.  
  
Yugi: Hello there Namu person that I have never met, though feel like I know.  
  
Malik: Hello pharaoh! Err I mean nice to meet you.  
  
Yugi: to the others; He seems nice.  
  
Malik: also to himself; Ha these fools don't suspect a thing! They are even too stupid to notice the string connecting us from our phone.  
  
Jonouchi: So Namu, how's your cheese doing today?  
  
Otogi: Shut up Jonouchi! Shouldn't you be hitting on Mai or something?  
  
Jonouchi Hey good idea! goes off to be lecherous  
  
Odion: I'll just assume that no one even remembers that I am standing here.  
  
Yugi: No we remember that you are there, we just fail to rightly give a damn. So we're getting on the blimp now.  
  
And true to his word, Yugi and co. made their way onto the blimp. Mai had to say something about her awesomeness first, but they really did get on afterwards. Malik was a good enough actor to get on with them, which left Odion standing there with some of Kaiba's goons.  
  
Odion: Well I'm glad that's finally over. I guess that I can finally get on the blimp and ...  
  
Poor little Odion then stepped on a rake.  
  
Odion: Grrrrr! It's just the dub, it's just the dub, this would never happen without those editors.  
  
He then made it onto the blimp, and the chapter should have ended there, but it didn't!  
  
We're forgetting about someone very unimportant! Ishizu!  
  
begin the poor tasting sneeze jokes  
  
Ishizu: I will now act as though I have some relevance to this story and get onto the blimp.  
  
Guard 1: I'm sorry mam, but only those with six locator cards are allowed upon the Seahorse blimp.  
  
Ishizu: But I do have all the locator cards does Jedi mind trick  
  
Guard 2: Well then, just let us take down your personal information so that you may join the finals.  
  
Guard 1: State you name please.  
  
Ishizu: Ishizu.  
  
Guard 1: Oh bless you. But really what was your name?  
  
Ishizu: Like I just said, my name is Ishizu.  
  
Guard 2: I'm sorry, are you allergic to something?  
  
Guard 1: I knew that I should not have worn that cologne... people always sneeze when I wear it...  
  
Guard 2: But seriously though, what is your name?  
  
Ishizu: Once again I clearly state, my name is Ishizu Ishtal.  
  
Guard 2: Again bless you. But why are you stuttering now too?  
  
Guard 1: All right, now just say your name and try not to sneeze.  
  
Ishizu: Fine then god damn you! My name is bleeping Isis! Are you happy now!?  
  
Guard 2: Well then nice to have you here, welcome aboard the blimp Ms. Isis.  
  
Ishizu: One of these days... I'll kill them all...  
  
And with that they got on the blimp and the chapter finally ended.  
  
end poor tasting sneeze jokes  
  
To Be Continued...  
  
Malik: And so chapter 4 finally ends. That lazy bleep Tsuni took forever to get that one finished. I tried whipping her to make her work faster, but she just ended up liking that. But could you blame her?  
  
Random person with hentai mind: No, tee hee hee!  
  
Malik: Fact proven! And some advice; more reviews = chapter 5 showing up sooner. 


End file.
